The Roller-Coaster Ride
by TheLyricsAreMyStory
Summary: A continuation of tonight's Narla scenes airing 1st January 2016.


**The Roller-Coaster Ride:**

Why?

Why had I once again stooped so low? No, this wasn't low, this was greedy and selfish and dirty and cruel. But I guess that was me, summed up. _That was the magic of me._

I had cashed in all I had; the most perfect, kind, caring, adorning man I had ever encountered. For what? For a cheap, sleazy moment with his chef. Granted, I had been drunk, but I knew from experience that it was no excuse.

It could not have felt more wrong. When I slept with Nick I felt safe, I was at home, I felt loved and needed and secure. I wasn't scared when I was with him, I trusted him. I trusted him with my body, with me. This had been different. This had transported me so far away from my heaven. The way he shoved me up against the door; something that Nick knew never to do and why. Robert didn't know that, Robert didn't know why I had to stop to breathe, or when I needed to take control, or if I wanted to stop and just be held. Only Nick knew that.

It had been rough; the most painful sex I had experienced in a long time, both physically and emotionally. He didn't take care of me, he treated me like some animal that he just had to get his claws into. He wasn't gentle, he wasn't soft, he just ripped at my clothes, forcing his way into me.

I knew that feeling too well.

I knew exactly who it reminded me of.

"You ready to go?" I hear Nick's voice and it snaps me back to reality. So quickly that I look at him, stunned.

"You done already?" I ask him, bewildered as I peer around the Bistro, noticing that now it was completely empty. "Oh..."

"Head in the clouds you." He touches his palm to my cheek and it is warm, it's safe, it's Nick. "What were you thinking about?"

"...Just Johnny and things." I lie, the words escape my mouth in a cascade of hurt. It was painful to lie to him, but I knew that now I had to.

"Yeah." He nods, understandingly, using his hand to smooth back the hair from my face before kissing my lips lightly. "I am sorry, you know."

"Nick stop saying that." I snap, harsher than I intend because I instantly regret it. Once again I had killed the moment, I had attempted to push him away when he was doing his best to show me how much I meant to him. "Sorry..."

"...I just meant that, I haven't been there for you, like I could have been." He rephrases it and it kills me to hear him apologise to me. Apologise. When he has no clue what I've done. I've betrayed him. I've given up everything for nothing, yet he has no idea. "I promise to stop trying to tell you what to do. You're right; only you understand what's going on in your head... Only you can make the right decisions to deal with that."

"Nick..." I sigh, the word hot on my tongue. The word that meant everything to me. "Please don't... Please just..."

"Come here." He offers me his hand and I observe him hesitantly before getting down from the chair. He leads me over to a booth and slides into it, beckoning for me to sit next to him. As soon as I'm seated, he slips his arm around me, kissing the top of my head as I lean into his shoulder. This was all I needed. But right now I felt far too unfaithful to deserve this. "I'm the luckiest man in the world." He repeats, as he said earlier and I squeeze my eyes shut, digging my nails into my thigh. He was far from the luckiest man; he was the most gullible man, the most elusive person if he ever thought he could fall in love with me.

If he ever thought he could fall in love with me and have a happy ending...

"You must need very little." I manage to muster. "If you feel that lucky."

"I've never felt this way about anyone." He admits and guilt swallows me. Why now? Why of all the times he could have told me this was it now? Not this morning, when he was throwing sarcastic comments at me from the sofa. It had to be after I made possibly the biggest mistake of my life and I had made a lot of mistakes.

"You know what?" I whisper, daring myself to look into his eyes. "Me neither." The words scare me, they terrify me to say because I can never pull myself to admit such emotions. "You say you're lucky but... You don't understand how much I love you. How much I appreciate everything you've done for me. You stuck by me, you never gave up..."

I stop mid-sentence because I establish his naivety; he could have so easily walked away back in the summer. Granted, I might have not pulled through the other side but, at least he would be safe. At least he would be shielded from the hurt that I would now inflict upon both of us. It was destined to go wrong, if Nick thought he could ever change me, he was blatantly living in a daydream. I was a car crash, I was a disaster, I was condemned to a life of misery and if I didn't face it alone, I would take people down with me.

For that reason, I was selfish. I was the most selfish woman to walk the Earth. Leanne had been right, I could have destroyed anyone, but instead I chose him. I chose the most genuine, kind, funny, warm hearted man possible as my latest target and he was still oblivious to my inescapable truths.

"Carla?" He nudges me again and I swallow hard before dragging myself out of my thoughts. "You were saying?"

"...Was I?" My voice is croaky with tears now and he could notice.

"I love you, so much." He whispers, placing a finger lightly under my chin and lifting my eyes to meet his. A tear bounces down my cheek and I don't bother to stop it. I'm torn, I'm broken, I'm fragile and Nick is the glue that's keeping me together.

Everything was a roller-coaster ride, like he always told me. It could throw us any way we liked, try and scare us to death, take us around all the twists and turns.

But even if we do stay in our seats, hold on tight, at some point or another, the roller-coaster ride has to end.


End file.
